Big Brother 20 Ep 1 – You Can't Give Yourself A Nickname

Greetings My Loyal Minions, Maxx Fisher Here

Every year leading up to the new season of Big Brother I get my hopes up. Most times I am incredibly disappointed. It's the rare occasion that I end the season with a smile on my face. I saw the pictures and run down of the houseguests. I wasn't impressed. But I held my tongue and decided to wait it out. I saw the house tour. Oh my, those are some ugly rooms. But I decided a wait and see policy was the best way to go. Then I read what some of the twists would be, that social media would play a big part in this season and my stomach began to sink. What are they doing? But finally, the premiere is here. Am I happy or am I the same miserable bastard I usually am? More on that later.


The Season of Social Media starts off with the worst thing Big Brother does every year. The new Hamsters are all so surprised to find out they're going to be on Big Brother. How did the camera crew not give it away. Let's do a quick rundown of the 16 people I will grow to hate.

Sam-The Southern welder that lives in a camper. Not a mobile home, a camper.

Tyler-Surfer dude. Lifeguard. He says that his brain is his biggest weakness. I. AM. SHOCKED.

Bayleigh-Former beauty queen, current flight attendant. She admits she is not good at her job, she only helps people when she wants to.

Steve-The obvious winner. I mean he says he's not going there to lose and he's the only one that said that so he's the only one that really wants it. He's a retired undercover cop and current criminal justice professor.

Kaitlyn-Life coach. That tells me she has failed at every job she has ever tried. She's 24. Wait, what? 24? Are you serious? That number seems low.

Winston-Some kind of medical related professional that I really in no way cared about. He loves his guns and his dog.

Angela-Fitness model, which I think just means people take pictures of her wearing bikinis. Plus she has her own business that I once again don't care about.

JC-Professional Dancer. And, from the things I've seen online, some kind of cam boy. Super short, Spanish, on all the time.

Rachel-Las Vegas showgirl...sounds familiar. Wow she as hot.

Chris-Day Trader/Babysitter, which means he is a babysitter. He also gave himself a nickname that I will never use. Because I don't have to, he uses it all the time, referring to himself in the third person. He is exhausting.

Angie-Just as exhausting as Chris, but she's old enough to know better. Another nickname I am not going to use. Honestly when I saw the picture of her for the first time I thought it was a former houseguest in disguise.

Brett-Big Bro Stud. THOSE ARE NOT MY WORDS. He said that. On camera. To be recorded. Tries to make himself out to be a terrorist fighting super hacker. Jesus Christ

Kaycee-Female Pro Football Player that loves her family. That's all I got.

Scottie-26-year-old virgin that has never been kissed. Geek, nerd, dork. That is not a dig. I am all those things. But I am NOT Scottie. He says he is super athletic though. He was voted most athletic in high school. I assume he was home schooled and the only competition was his mom.

Haliegh-Texas student farm girl. Did I say Rachel was hot? Let me introduce you to Haleigh

Faysal-Substitute teacher. Kind of full of himself. Star college football player (he really was), close family. Muslim.


The 16 enter the house with Bayleigh the first through the door because for some reason when Julie told them to go in they all just sort of stood around. Sam thinks the guys are too clean and their teeth are too white. She likes her men earthy. Steve, who said he is a huge BB fan was shocked to see a couch in the bathroom. You mean like the couch that is there every year superfan? Scottie gets a hug from Haleigh and almost, ALMOST sees her boob when the strap of her top slips off. I think he needed to change his pants.


Now the round table introduction. Rachel wants to climb up on Winston and enjoy the view. Faysal is into Haleigh cause she's in school. Tyler is getting freaked out by Steve staring at him. He also quietly freaks out because Angela is from the same town he currently lives in and she gets super excited about it. He just wants her to stop talking so people don't think they a team. Haleigh is into Faysal because she has a teacher/student fantasy that I want to hear all about. The house finds out that Scottie has never been kissed and Rachel loses her shit. She wasn’t to rectify this and starts chasing him, but Julie C-Blocks him and calls them all to the living room.


Time for the first comp(s). 2 random teams, 4 men and 4 women each. One team has to find files in the dark in disgusting sludge. 6 files allow them to escape. 1 file is the Winner and they will get to play in the next round. The player with no file will be punished. Angela wins. Kaycee is left with no file and will be punished later


The second team has to spell HOUSEGUESTS by stacking cubes with letters on them while they are being lifted and lowered on a line. First to finish goes onto the next round. The last to finish will be punished. Chris wins and is a dick about it. Later Bayleigh warns him about the way he acted when he won. He sees them as being intimidated. She was just trying to tell him he was a dick. Sam came in last and we'll learn about her punishment later.


We find out that the winner of the next round, either Angela or Chris, will be able to keep 8 people safe, including themselves. Chris wants to make a deal that whichever one of them wins (obviously him) will keep the other safe. Angela said the smart move would be to just keep the 7 other people from their own teams safe. Not a good strategy to tell Chris this. The competition is for them to wear inappropriately tight shiny outfits while balancing on moving maxi pads while foam puns come at them. The game only lasts half an hour and Chris's leggy is shaking, even though he an elite athlete. But he does end up winning. How do you think he reacted?


Whatever plans they had for keeping people safe are thrown out the window because Julie tells them that he has to pick 2 teams of four people, based on the groups that entered the house at the beginning of the episode. So his team is automatically safe, but choosing the next 4 is tough. But first...


Kaycee and Sam have not returned from the games. Until now. Kaycee looks like a cross between a rainbow Skydancer doll and a full Trivial Pursuit game piece. She is the Pinwheel of Doom. When the pinwheel is spinning, she cannot leave the room she is in. Wow. Doesn't seem so bad. But where is Sam. Suddenly the robot (yes, I said robot) in the kitchen comes to life and starts talking. It's Sam. They all freak out. JC is just tickled, after he gets over his initial trepidation. When she hears "Robot Offline" the robot has to go to the Diary Room and she gets to play as a human. When she hears "Robot Online" she has to go to the Diary room and she's back to playing as a robot. Below is an artist's rendition of what she looked like.



It's time to determine who is safe and who is not

SAFE:
Chris
Angie
Brett
Rachel
Scottie
Haleigh
Kaycee
Faysal

NOT:
Angela
Bayleigh
JC
Kaitlyn
Sam
Steve
Tyler
Winston

Tomorrow night we will have the first HOH competition and Nominations. If I were one of the safe people I wouldn't even bother for HOH. You're already safe and you'd want to be able to compete in the next HOH competition. Sam and Kaycee will be on punishment until the live eviction show, which is think in real time is about 40 days or so. We the viewers will be able to influence the game. It was slightly confusing. It involves answering questions about houseguests but it also involves votes. Whoever has the most votes gets to go to the BB App Store and get an advantage. The lowest vote getter will be punished.


I leave you with this, my invasive digital viruses, is there any possibility that Chris will be liked by anyone outside the house? He only refers to himself in the third person, he has a douchey nickname that he gave himself and he has an ego large enough to be another contestant. Best line of the night: (Kaitlyn telling her fellow Hamsters that she will do their Chakras) "It sounds sexual and violent and I want no part of it"-Winston. Worst line of the night: Everything that came out of Chris's mouth. Are my hopes still high? No. Have I given up on this season already? Not yet. But then again, I'm not a robot, so I've got that going for me.